I hear & see & have felt much of the tension of the parent / child relationships & the desire, push, cry for freedom.  See if you can relate. 

“Oh, the challenges of parenting!  When does it stop?  Will my responsibility ever end?” 

“Oh, my parents!  They won’t let me grow up.  I am six years old.  I should be able to…” 

“Okay!  I get it!  I will call you when I get home.”  Never mind the fact that I am 50 years old and have my own kids.  Why do you treat me like a teenager?” 

Are those questions, statements ever heard at your home?  They have been at mine, and I’ve heard some of them from you & yours. 

Growing up is hard.  Letting go is also hard.  Families know that trust is earned, and that deception hurts relationships and destroys trust.  Kids have to earn rights, and they should have responsibilities. 

So how do we know when to let go?  When should we expect adult behavior out of our kids?  When they are 6, or 15, 18, 21, or 30? 

I can’t answer that question with a statement, but maybe I can with a question or a few! 

Has your child given you reason not to trust them?  Have you given them enough freedom to build trust, or rebuild trust?  If you don’t give them some freedom, will they ever be able to be free of your protection? Do you want them to live under your rule, roof, thumb, all of their lives?  If so, do they only get to start living their lives when you are dead or they run from your control?

I’ve known some over-protective parents who had great kids…. mature kids, who did not have any freedom, and rebelled against overprotection.   

Does God trust you?  Have you ever given Him reason to not trust you?  How do you rebuild trust with God after you have messed up?  Can you?    

I am glad that God is able to protect me, wants to protect me, and has protected me.  I am glad that He gave me freedom to choose to obey or disobey.  I know that shows that He loves me.  He knows I don’t have all of the answers, yet He allows me to learn.  I learn most from my biggest failures.  

If you as the parent get all of the exercise dealing with challenges, making decisions, are you setting your child up to be weak and unable to grow and mature?  

I don’t claim to have it all figured out.  I am still learning.  No parents have it all figured out, even if they think they do.  The best thing that can happen when there is tension over parent/child issues is for doors of honest communication to be opened.  Sometimes that may take a third party, sometimes a counselor, usually just an impartial person that both trust and respect.   

I read the following paragraph the other day and thought it worth sharing…

   “Most of us are guilty of unreasonableness at times, but a parent who always has to punish, has to have the last word, and is given to harsh punishments even of older teenagers is a parent who is about to lose the whole ball game.  They are more devoted to maintaining a sense of power and control than really loving their young adult.”Loving, Launching, & Letting Go” by Virelle Kidder , p. 84 

Let communication begin if it hasn’t already begun.  Let love rule all communication.  Any repairs won’t be accomplished in a day.   

The feelings and thoughts of both are important and should be freely heard.   

CU Sunday,

          Mike